A few online "friends" recently decided to get together and hold a sort of email/pm intervention about my illnesses. It's been going on since just before Christmas. The general gist of it is this - they sent me messages blaming me for being sick and accused me of doing nothing about it because I haven't asked Jesus to heal me. They said that God made me sick to force my hand because obviously, being in pain would make me turn to Him. It was followed up by accusations that I'm "avoiding God to stay sick" because I like not having to work.
First of all religious people of all stripes get lupus. So, belief in Jesus does not cure lupus. I left a lupus support group because of the number of times people suggested I'd feel so much better if I'd just pray. People there kept telling me I should see my illness as an opportunity and as a gift from God. No thanks, I'd prefer a laptop, I thought the bugger was supposed to be all-knowing.
Secondly, if I were mentally warped enough to enjoy being as sick as I often am, that, in itself would be a serious mental illness. I'm bloody fucking miserable at times and just miserable at others. I often feel like my muscles are made of ground glass encased in plastic wrap. Yes, sometimes I enjoy myself and sometimes I can ignore and suppress the pain to great degree. But I was once an active person who delighted in all kinds of play like biking, tickle fights, and athletic sex.
Third, I want to get back to work. I just have a problem finding an employer that will tolerate occasional loss of consciousness on the job plus frequent rests and sick days. Yeah, not very damned likely. So, in the meantime, I spend about 6-12 hours per day searching for online gigs and writing things to sell. It doesn't compare to the enjoyment I got from being a florist.
But here's the cherry on top. Years back I was homeless and during that time some really awful stuff went down, PTSD bad and then some. One "friend" had the gall to tell me that I deserved all of the trauma I suffered, even as far back as childhood. She said God was punishing me then but He'd make it all better if I could "stop being so arrogant and ask for his healing."
Yeah, even if I thought it were real, that's not the kind of thing I would worship.
I am not suffering from a terminal lack of Jesus, my physical pain is not a gift. I don't deserve to be ill because I don't worship God.
So I'm now replying to all their emails and messages with a link to this blog post. I hope maybe they'll see how nasty they are being.
22 hours ago